ReD 017: Value and Validation

Mary Beth Rosebrough

As Mary Beth moves past online dating, she’s found herself without the source of value and validation she relied on to feel her best. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth discusses how she’s reclaiming that feeling and her thoughts in a world without men to validate her. 

Mary Beth steps into the darkness.

  • With her dating profiles deleted, Mary Beth has been ending every relationship, contact, and conversation she’s had with a man.
  • These were “backburners,” or guys you see only every once in awhile. They aren’t serious, but they just kinda float around. 
  • Mary Beth has officially shut all of them down. Some guys took it well. Others she had to block.

What is Mary Beth’s next steps?

  • For now, Mary Beth doesn’t have a job and isn’t working on any major projects. She got to thinking, “what is my purpose?.”
  • Before, she was busy taking care of her children, her job, or even dating online.
  • But her kids don’t need her, and she is no longer looking for someone else to validate her feelings of worth. So what’s her purpose?
  • Talking to guys served as a distraction so Mary Beth didn’t have to think about these things.
  • Growing up in a household with addiction did not set Mary Beth up to believe in herself. It fosters codependency – when you find value in how other people react to you.

Mary Beth looks to her Heavenly Father for support:

  • Mary Beth is overcoming this tendency for external validation by focusing on her religious values.
  • Jesus and the Heavenly Father are involved in all of our lives. Mary Beth is trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, and God wanted her to go through these things.
  • She asked God why she craves a husband to the point where it dominated her thoughts and prayers.
  • Mary Beth had to realize that no man will ever be perfect enough for her. There will never be a man who can validate her the way she wanted. (She craved the person who validated her. AKA the most codependent behavior possible.)

A departure from codependency:

  • Mary Beth realizes she has a problem comparing herself to others. When everyone was quarantined and isolated by themselves, Mary Beth felt more validated.
  • To overcome these feelings, Mary Beth cut every man off. She wants to face these validation fears and find validation within herself. 
  • It’s a leap of faith – she has to accept that she’s alone. But while there isn’t anyone on this earth who is good enough, there is one above us who is: our Heavenly Father.
  • For the first time in a long while, Mary Beth did not ask for a husband in her evening prayers. 
  • It isn’t perfect – there are still times Mary Beth struggles. But they are becoming less and less frequent.

You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her and join the RediscovHER Facebook group.


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