ReD 007: The Basics of Online Dating – Part 2

Mary Beth, Julie Ruhl, Online Dating

Today’s episode of RediscovHER is a continuation of Mary Beth and Julie’s discussion of online dating basics. Maneuvering the world of online dating can be a challenge, especially when you don’t have a friend to guide you through it like Mary Beth and Julie. That’s why they recommend having somebody you can share your stories with; you’ll need them to help you make sense of the situations and stories you find yourself in.

 You need tough skin to online date

  • You can’t take it personally if a guy isn’t into you. It doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive; it just means you aren’t right for that specific guy. You won’t be everybody’s type.
  • Look past aesthetic things you might not like as much if they’re a good person. Because if they’re a good person and treat you with respect, he deserves a chance.
  • Sometimes you’ll meet a good guy, but it’s just not going to work. It’s okay to like and care about a guy but not want to be with him as long as you’re upfront about it. 
  • You can’t love a perfect person. But you can love an imperfect person perfectly. 

First date etiquette: don’t be a jerk

  • A good way to determine a guy’s personality: go out to dinner with him and eat the way you would eat if you’re with a girlfriend. Eat the bread. Drink the soda (or second glass of wine) and make sure they don’t even try to judge you.
  • Make sure he doesn’t judge your hobbies or activities. Julie is obsessed with Disney and Harry Potter. Even if a man doesn’t find those things interesting, he should be respectful enough to appreciate something that gives her joy.
  • You want a guy who likes the weird stuff about you. Don’t date somebody who tries to put you down when you do something a bit eccentric.

Avoid the liars. (It’s tougher than you think.)

  • For older people trying to date, you have zero clue what you’re up against. You think you can trust people, and you believe they’re telling you the truth. But many guys aren’t.
  • When you match with somebody, and they start a conversation, some of them just want attention. Be aware of that as you build relationships on dating apps. 
  • Be wary of guys who delete themselves off your profile. If you have a deleted conversation, you can no longer see where they are or if they’ve changed their profile pictures and information. These activities mean he’s likely still talking to multiple people.
  • Be suspicious of guys who are always going “out of town.” You can guess where they might be going some of those times.

Don’t believe everything you see

  • You might feel stressed out about online dating because everyone you know is getting married. Don’t believe everything you see.
  • Social media only shows the positives of a relationship; don’t feel like there’s something wrong with you. You just haven’t found your person yet.
  • You shouldn’t have to settle, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Your time will come to find the right guy.

Online Dating Takeaways:

  • Have self-confidence and be self-aware while on the app and meeting men.
  • Before you start online dating, make a list of things you’re unwilling to accept in a match. 
  • Everyone makes mistakes. If the error isn’t one of the things you’re unwilling to accept, decide if you want to forgive him.
  • Consult the red flags when necessary (consult the previous episode), and don’t invest too much too soon.
  • Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love somebody else.
  • If you don’t find yourself pretty enough for somebody – you are. And find someone who will appreciate that.

You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her


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