ReD 006: The Basics of Online Dating – Part 1

Mary Beth Rosebrough, Julie Ruhl, Reinvent yourself, rediscover yourself, online dating

On today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth is joined by her former co-worker and friend, Julie. Even with a 35 year age gap, they bond over their dating lives. This episode focuses on finding red flags in virtual relationships, and a few interesting stories from their personal dating experiences. (Spoiler: It turns out men can be jerks at all ages.) 

But first, a retraction:

  • In a previous episode, Mary Beth detailed her dating experience with “Mr. Perfect” and made several comments she wants to clear up.
  • He isn’t married and doesn’t have a wife in a town outside Orlando.
  • When we last left their relationship, Mary Beth had blocked him and had not spoken with him. But, as luck would have it, she ran into him near a bank one day.
  • They talked a little bit, and they apologized to each other. 
  • They ended up going out to dinner and are now talking again. The takeaway? Life is a soap opera.

Mary Beth and Julie’s relationship strategy:

  • As Mary Beth started dating, she would go to Julie for relationship and dating advice.
  • They never use real names when talking about their matches. Instead, they’ll name them by location, job description, or really any defining features—for example, Scooter Man.

The Tale of Scooter Man:

  • Scooter Man was a nice, tall guy who wasn’t local to Florida.
  • They had a nice date, but once it got late, Mary Beth wanted to go home.
  • She parked off the main streets, and it was a sketchy area. So she asked him if he would walk her to her car.
  • He offered to give her a ride (which she usually isn’t a fan of) but agrees.
  • As they’re walking towards his vehicle, Mary Beth realizes he drives a scooter.
  • Riding a scooter in itself isn’t bad. But he drove it to a date?
  • He invited Mary Beth to his apartment, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. He’s like, Well, why? And he gets all hurt. That made it a definite no.

Mary Beth and Julie’s Online Dating Red Flags:

  • If he takes too many selfies, he might be a bit self-obsessed.
  • A guy who holds a fish in his pictures.
  • They have a picture with their mother (or any women) on their profile. No, say goodbye.
  • Never date a guy that does not work full time or works to better themselves.
  • If his pictures are grainy, or if there aren’t enough of them.
  • When they request pictures or send unsolicited pictures.
  • Ask for money before meeting (it’s always a scam.)
  • He accuses you of cheating, or he gets defensive with little reason.

Playboys versus players:

  • Some men are players, which to Mary Beth, are cheaters who date several women at once.
  • If they let you know this at the beginning of your interaction, you have to decide. 
  • A playboy is somebody who’s still a boy who doesn’t want commitment.
  • The players and playboys expect you only to date and talk to them while they date and talk to a million other girls.

Mary Beth and Julie’s parting relationship advice:

  • Don’t mention boyfriend, girlfriend, any type of stuff until you’re at least on the fourth or fifth date and have discussed what you both are looking for.
  • Give people a chance until they mess up. 
  • You should always make a list of things you’re unwilling to accept; it’s an automatic red flag if they do it because we all have our conditions.
  • Don’t compare your relationships to the guy’s or anybody else’s relationship. 
  • There are guys on there that just want to text you for attention.

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